White Women Don’t Belong in Black Spaces

And you certainly don’t belong in the comments section.

If ‘it’ says it is a space, a course, an anything for black women then that is it. You stop there, you respect that and you let it be. Anything you do that inserts yourself into that space is making it about you, is centering you and is taking away from what is really important - that black women have safe spaces to be, that black women have autonomy and decision making power and are respected (the first time they say it), that black women have places to express themselves and heal together.

Hear me out here. I know you may already be triggered. Your nervous system may have responded already - If you need to take a break and come back later so you can engage your cognitive brain and not your reptilian fight, flight and freeze brain then well done for recognising and doing that. If you feel like you can stay, process, be responsible and not defensive than welcome. This is a message specifically for white women.

Many Black people, Native people, Indigenous people, Tangata Whenua (people of the land), people of the global majority are triggered by white bodies. This is a completely reasonable and rational response to the systematic violence, and continual aggressions that this huge number of people have experienced by white bodies and systems designed to centre and benefit white bodies. Often these white bodies and systems have travelled to lands through colonisation, imperialism, the extension of the empire and this essay is mostly written for that context. I’m not going to define colonisation here or list the horrors that followed and still continue today, but simply acknowledge their existence and the consequences. So if you are in a white body it is important to know that your body can be a trigger, can make people feel unsafe.

You can’t “be good” or “be different” your way out of this. This is not about you - this is about historical and intergenerational trauma stored in bodies.

Even if you have managed to unlearn all the whiteness, white supremacist ideas, and the values of colonisation, you still do not belong in Black spaces.

Even if you are in a white body that has experienced enormous trauma, intergenerational trauma (which you most likely have - this is history) and have experienced discrimination, while your experience is valid and deserving of care, it is not the same - you still do not belong in spaces that are designed for black people, spaces that must solely centre black voices and experiences.

To articulate this in a way that may be relatable is to consider spaces designed solely for women: for women to heal together, to share their lived experiences, to express themselves, to work out in a space where they hopefully feel safe. When we image or belong in these spaces, groups, courses we often feel triggered, angry, upset when a male tries to insert themselves. While there is a place for men to dismantle the patriarchy and we need this, we need their participation and need them as advocates driving change in behaviour and at systems levels, the place for them to do this is not in our sacred places designed for our healing where we can metabolise our unique experiences and traumas of being women in patriarchal societies. When a man does insert himself into these spaces, even is he kind, is an advocate, has done the work to unlearn his entitlement, has learnt to de-centre his comfort, he still can not relate to the experience of walking this earth as a woman, especially as a woman in a patriarchal society. When he speaks, he disrupts and centres himself regardless of what he says and how he shows up - it is the same for a white women trying to show up in spaces that are especially designed for Black women.

It is really unfortunate that I have to use this example as I wish we got it first time around and I can assure you I didn’t. I didn’t get it the first time I heard it, I wanted to be the exception. I wanted to be someone who is safe, who is a part of the solution. This is problematic for a few reasons, the first and obvious one being that my body is white and therefore triggers a response and we want to avoid this when someone enters a space designed for them and their healing, their joy, their learning, their connection; another one being that no matter how well I have unlearned the ingrained biases that run deep in all of us, I most likely still carry many and sometimes unknowingly (it is essential I keep doing this work - but not in spaces designed for black women) and even though I have done some of the work, my lived experience is not the same, I cannot relate; also when we we want to be the exception, this in itself shows we have more work to do.

This is one of the sobering realities that are devastating for everyone (mostly people who are not in white bodies) that maybe for this generation we (white bodies) will never be safe - this needs to be respected.

There are times when we need to be a part of the solution, pushing culture to change, listening, pushing for reforms so that black mothers and their babies are safe to give birth and be born, making sure that black women are included in research, making sure we use our voting rights and voice to ensure we have black women in leadership positions and in decision making positions, buying from black owned businesses… the list of what we can do is extensive. It is really important that we lean to discern when it is time to stand up, when it is time to use our voice and when it is time to not.  A great place to start is to make any comments and behaviours in our families, friendship groups and immediate community that are harmful to another human or promote white supremacy (are racist) intolerable. This means speaking up in a room of white people, metabolising your trauma, healing so you aren’t reflexive, defensive or harmful, so you can sit with discomfort, be empathetic, listen and believe.

If you do think that you belong in a place that black women have clearly said is for black women then know that there is more work to do, this work will lead to your liberation and a better world for everyone so don’t get stuck in a shame cycle or be dishearten, the fact that you are here at the end of this essay is a good thing, it is a good start. This is a journey I am on and am committed to - it’s a journey we can be on together. Unlearning a life time of indoctrination is no small feat and is an ongoing, non-linear learning process. Mistakes are ok, causing harm is not, so we have to be responsible and if we do cause harm, we have to take ownership of that, we have to learn, we have to do better and we have to repair.

• Follow accounts that increase your social justice literacy.

• Read more books written by the global majority and specifically black and indigenous experts.

• Listen and believe - I can’t say this loud enough, listen and believe.

I have intentionally used the capital and lower case b for ‘black’ in this essay in an effort to not assign the rules and regulations people attempt to imposed on black identity. It is for black people to define themselves and I want my writing and my life to always allow for the intricacies, nuance and uniqueness that each human holds so as not to impose limits I can not see through to really see the person.