Camelia Janelle on Motherhood, Healing and Liberation

My conscious love of dance began when I was about 7-8 years young. I remember loving the joy of the music, the team work, and the way my confidence felt in my little body when I was performing the dance moves and having fun with my peers. This love continued to grow as I was a dancer and majorette all through middle and high school. From here I ended up taking space from dancing because society always made me feel that dance was not something you can do for work and as an adult in the "real world", you have to stop dancing and get serious.

It is a major transition that we go through when we step from childhood into the ‘productive’ ‘economic’ system that often defines how we choose to spend our time and for many of us, how we value ourselves. You said you gave up dance because it wasn’t something you could do as an adult in the ‘real world’. This is the experience of many artists. What would you say to that girl now, who thought she had to take space from dancing to be an ‘adult’ in the ‘real’ world? 

Today, I would tell that girl to follow the voice only she can hear and if that voice says to dance—then dance and see where it takes you. Have fun and never loose your child expressions to be an “adult.”

Becoming a mother is transformative with us all having our own unique experience of motherhood. We all mother in our own ways according to what feels right for us but many mothers experience self doubt, isolation and have past trauma revisit them in their motherhood experience. You are a mother, can you tell us more about your journey with motherhood and your postpartum experiences?

Whew—my journey as a mother has been deep, life shifting, complicated, rewarding, awakening, and so much more. I am now a mother to two girls after being a single mother for 7 years prior to meeting my current partner. Nothing can prepare you for the depths of motherhood but there are some intuitive signs that try to warn you about the path and I learned that being disconnected from your womb and your spirit will make the mothering journey harder. I’ve learned that I am the absolute best advocate for my girls and I am in tune to their needs and have helped them and saved them many times from harm due to my motherly instincts that kicked it and only got strong throughout time. I have learned that there are so many false stigmas around mothering and there are so many deeply rooted expectations put in a mother that truly attempts to oppress us into this role as a mother and not a WOMAN. Mothering my daughter for 7 years before having my second daughter has allowed me to foster something truly unique between us, something I never seen, a bond that’s strong and rooted in trust, truth, spirit, and communication. My daughter is extremely well rounded, intelligent, bright, vocal, sensitive, creative, loving, and more. Watching how she expands the things I have put into her are my biggest rewards. Many things and many people have tried to tear apart our connection and shed her of the beliefs and foundation I am instilling, but my resilience and passion to follow my intuition has held us stronger and gotten us through so much. Speaking on my baby girl who just arrived 15 months ago is another whole journey and awakening in itself that has expanded my existence as a mother and has in a way graduated me into a more wise version of myself, especially due to her hospital experiences. These two girls require the most of me and I require the most of me—and so I shall have it.

How has dance supported you to process and move through some of your major life challenges? 

As a mother who was also a child who grew up in poverty in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Washington DC—but also one of the cities with the RICHEST and most soul filled black populations, my challenges have been consistent and unique. Growing up I didn’t have anyone catering or caring for my emotional, mental or spiritual needs. Everyone was in survival mode and all I knew is that I needed to go to school and there was no choice in that- my parents went to work and we went to school. I was also the child with the most feelings and sensitive needs among my two siblings that were in the home growing up. So early on, I realized dance became a place of expression before I knew I was expressing anything. It became an outlet for being felt, being seen, and feeling ALIVE. When you’re in a constant pattern everyday, chaos at home, stress with your siblings, nobody’s talking to you about your day—you become unseen. Dance made me feel seen and I could FEEL. It became a place where words didn’t complicate things or hurt me. It became a place where structure and flow met for me. It became a tool to my healing before I knew I needed to heal anything. It became my anchor to remind me that I am an artist, I am creative, I am capable.

You are a healer. Can you tell us more about yourself as a healer and the impact you’ve had in women’s lives? 

As a “healer”, I always make it clear that the work is first for the self and with the self. I don’t promise or promote to heal anyone. I share ideas, perspectives, tools, and practices that I have used to process my own life and healing—things that I know for sure can lead them into a path to see themselves and what they need to heal on their own. From my observation and the constant feedback I receive from women—I offer them a view of what it could be like to be authentic, more transparent, sensual, nurturing to their children, and outspoken in their own lives. I offer a look inside a world of what it could be to be in tune with your sensual and sexual energies in a way that exudes out of you. I offer them a world to see how it could be if you knew your womb and how she powers your life. I teach them how to let go and stop over thinking and be more within the spirit than the mind. And most importantly I constantly receive that I help grow their personal confidence with their bodies and their ability to speak up for themselves and create boundaries that protect them and enhance their experiences. I help them unlock blockages that allow them to feel more in tune in their wombs during sexual experiences with themselves. I show them a reflection of themselves that are unapologetic, bold, and fearless. This representation I realize opens doors for them to be themselves, doors they didn’t even know were closed. Doors they sometimes didn’t know existed. 

Dance was your first creative expression that brought you a deep joy that you didn't find anywhere else. What would you say to other women wanting more joy in their lives but who have the potential barriers of self-doubt, systems and culture telling them they can’t, not enough time, not well enough? 

This is a simple one—I would tell them to dance more, masturbate more, and care less about what people think of what they do and how they do it. Follow that voice inside until YOU decide otherwise. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you from being who you are internally being called to be. You are the only one to hear the inner voice of you. So you are the only one who can express it outwardly. You are a woman and woman are the most magical beings on this earth and it will not be up for debate. Be her. 

Is dance political for you? 

Absolutely. Every time I dance I feel I am making a statement of change and evolution. Every time I rock my hips or twirl my body, I am rebelling. Rebelling from a world that told me how to move, how to dress, how to dance. A world that told me I was “too old” to dance or that dance isn’t something to take seriously. I dance for my ancestors and all the voices that told them not to dance. I dance for all the women in politics who are told they can’t be seen a certain way or dancing will destroy their political image and distort how people see them. Dancing is one of the most political things you can do as an artistic expression of your inner self. 

Is dance an act of rebellion or defiance? A way of connecting with a part of you and a culture that isn’t as easy to access in the ‘modern’ world we find ourselves in? 

In a way, it can be. But those words are too harsh me to say fully yes to. I would say it’s more so an action of liberation. A way to absolutely connect to my culture and reunite with a part of myself that we lost in more ways than one. 

There are limitations to talk and behaviour therapy, to an individualised approach to healing and to modern medications. In light of these limitations, how do you find movement, creative self expression and community to benefit women wanting to experience deep healing or the release of trauma? 

I find that movement unites you to what’s real, what’s truly important. And I believe what’s truly important is our bodies feeling connected to this living experience. Movement allows your body to circulate life, spirit, and magic throughout it. It releases traumas from your life and the lives of your four mothers and four fathers. To move is to be alive. To move is to exist at a higher frequency of yourself. To move is to be free. Just like for me—dancing can give you ideas that you forgot about as a child, it can HEAL your inner child and enforce play, it can enhance your libido, heal sexual trauma and all traumas, it can unlock pathways to your inner being that no other outlet will have access to. Our bodies become stiff after staying in a consistent structure in a daily basic, and our bodies need to feel expressive and be given the chance to speak. It brings forth your desire to connect with yourself and to know how to connect with others who are like minded or like spirited. 

Camelia we are so grateful that you have shared your knowledge, your wisdom, your lived experience with us. So many women will benefit from reading your words.