Isabella, a Powerful Advocate of Women's Health

I’m Isabella van Leeuwen, a nursery school teacher, freelance copywriter and founder of SoulScents, soon to be turning 40. After spending 7 years navigating the challenges of infertility and an autoimmune disease, this past year has allowed me to pause and reflect on the unexpected lessons and personal growth these experiences have brought into my life.

Isabella can you tell us a little bit about your experience with infertility and loss over the last 7 years?

My journey with infertility has been nothing short of life-changing. I met my husband when we were both working at the same school. After three years of dating, we tied the knot, full of dreams about the life we’d build together. Coming from a big Italian family—my dad is one of 14—I just assumed starting a family would be natural and easy. I never imagined the road ahead would be so difficult. I still remember the thrill we felt when we decided it was time to grow our family.

That excitement quickly turned into heartbreak with our first loss—a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks. After that, we turned to fertility treatments, thinking they’d be the solution. Over the years, I’ve gone through 18 rounds of treatment. There were fleeting moments of hope with six positive pregnancy tests, but each one ended in devastating loss. My world became consumed with tracking cycles, monitoring hormones, popping pills, giving myself injections, and managing the rollercoaster of it all.

If you’ve never faced infertility, it’s hard to grasp how heavy it is. I’ve heard so many well-meaning but hurtful comments: “Just relax,” or “Don’t think about it, and it’ll happen.” But when you’re living it, “not thinking about it” is impossible. Weekly blood tests, scans, perfectly timed supplements, and injections don’t exactly let you forget. And then there’s the worst part—timed intimacy. Trying to balance all of this while holding down a job and maintaining some semblance of a normal life is beyond exhausting.

I’ve tried everything you can think of—reflexology, kinesiology, reiki healing, chakra cleansing, homeopathy, cleanses and acupuncture—you name it. If it’s out there, I’ve probably given it a go. I’ve poured my body, mind, and finances into this dream. With every failure, I lost a little piece of myself. I started pulling away from people, too, because it was just easier that way. Baby showers, kids’ birthday parties—they became minefields of emotions I couldn’t navigate. Eventually, people stopped inviting me, not out of malice but sympathy. Before I knew it, I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere anymore.

Our most recent heartbreak was in March this year. Despite all the tests, scans, and surgeries, there are still no answers—no explanation for why I can’t carry a pregnancy to term. Watching friends have their first, second, or even third babies has been an emotional tightrope. I’ve learned that it’s possible to feel immense happiness for someone else while carrying a quiet, aching sadness for yourself. The two emotions coexist, and that’s one of the many lessons this journey has taught me.

This road has been long and deeply painful, but it has also shaped me in ways I’m still learning to understand.

What support did you have during this time and of that support, what was the most helpful for you personally? 

My husband has been my anchor through all of this. Even in the moments when fertility treatments left me feeling like a total mess—like I wasn’t even myself anymore—he stood by me with unwavering love and patience. He’s never once made me feel “less-than” or put any blame on me, even though I’ve carried so much guilt and shame, given that I’m “the problem.” His unconditional support has been everything, and I don’t know how I would have gotten through this without him.

I’ve also been so lucky to have an incredible circle of friends and family who’ve shown me love and understanding when I needed it most. And honestly, therapy has been a game-changer. If you’re going through something similar, I can’t recommend it enough. There’s a point where you start to feel like you’re putting too much on the people around you, no matter how much they care. Having a therapist to talk to—a safe space where there’s no judgment—has helped me carry the emotional weight and process the pain in ways I couldn’t on my own. It’s been a lifeline, and I’m so grateful for it.

In healthcare there is a gender gap, did you feel you had access to healthcare services that were effective, nuanced and supportive of women's health?

In South Africa, accessing healthcare comes at a significant financial cost since we pay out of pocket for medical expenses and contribute monthly to medical aid. While this allows quicker access to specialists, it doesn’t guarantee effective or nuanced care, especially for women’s health. Initially, I was under the care of a male fertility specialist, but I often felt unheard and dismissed – just another faceless source of cash each month. When I requested thyroid testing, only the basics were done, leaving critical issues undiagnosed for 2 years.

It wasn’t until I switched to a female doctor that I received a comprehensive thyroid panel, leading to my diagnosis of Grave’s Disease. Without this intervention and subsequent treatment, I could have faced life-threatening complications like a stroke. While I can’t say gender was the sole factor, I do believe many doctors have a tendency to downplay their female patients’ concerns. This experience taught me the importance of trusting my instincts and advocating for my health, even when it meant starting over with someone new.

Were there any barriers preventing you from accessing the healthcare services you needed? 

When I started fertility treatments, I was incredibly fortunate to have savings I could rely on to cover the costs. I recognize how privileged I was in this regard, as I know this isn’t the reality for many people facing similar challenges.

Is there any support or information you wish you had better access to from the health sector? 

This topic is so close to my heart because I genuinely believe women aren’t given the knowledge we need about our health and our bodies. From the moment we get our first period, we’re left in the dark about the hormonal changes happening inside us. When we’re put on birth control, no one really talks about the potential long-term effects on our health—it’s just handed to us as the go-to solution. And when it comes to fertility treatments, we’re often left with more questions than answers. Why is this happening? What’s causing it? Instead of digging into the root of the problem, we get prescriptions, medications, and mounting bills.

It’s the same story with perimenopause—more pills, more patches, but barely any real guidance. Imagine how much better off we’d be if doctors focused on educating us about nutrition, supplements, and hormonal balance. We’d face fewer struggles and feel more in control of our health.

In my own experience, I was prescribed antidepressants for anxiety. But the real breakthrough came when someone finally listened to me. After running the right tests, I was diagnosed with Grave’s Disease, and things started to make sense. Just identifying the root cause solved half the battle for me.

The truth is, we have to take charge of our own education. Even doctors aren’t always fully informed when it comes to women’s health, and that’s not surprising when you consider that, for years, medical research was almost entirely focused on men. Until recently, women weren’t even included in most clinical trials. Our unique needs were ignored for decades.

We deserve so much better—better information, better care, and a healthcare system that prioritizes understanding us over handing out quick fixes. It’s time to demand that change.

You have made a transformative decision to prioritise your own self care and wellness over fertility treatments, can you tell us what that selfcare looks like for you? 

After seven years of fertility treatments, I was left feeling completely drained—emotionally, physically, and mentally. Depression, weight gain, constant fatigue, low self-esteem, and completely unbalanced hormones became my reality. Our most recent loss hit especially hard, and with no answers from the doctor, I had a moment of clarity. I realized I couldn’t keep living like this—losing myself little by little because I didn’t have a child. For the sake of my own well-being and my marriage, I knew it was time for a change.

Starting a family was still a dream, but I made a conscious decision not to let it define me anymore. I began prioritizing my self-care in ways that truly nourished me—mind, body, and soul. I started rebounding and doing Pilates, not as a means to hit a certain weight or fitness goal, but simply because they made me happy. I took weekly walks in nature—not for the step count, but because they helped me feel grounded and connected.

I also took a hard look at my relationships and learned to set boundaries. I stopped overcommitting and saying yes out of guilt, and I gave myself permission to step back when I needed to. I simplified my supplements too, letting go of the endless list of fertility-focused pills and sticking to one multivitamin that supported my overall health.

Another big shift was starting monthly Trauma Release Exercises (TRE), which helped me process and let go of the emotional and physical pain I’d been carrying for so long. And through it all, I discovered the healing power of essential oils—how something as simple as scent could help me reconnect with myself on a deeper level.

These changes have been life-giving. They’ve helped me to start to find peace and balance, allowing me to reframe my dreams and focus on living a full, happy life. My journey isn’t defined by fertility anymore—it’s about my health, my happiness, and reconnecting with who I am.

What have been some of the challenges in your pursuit of self-care and wellness? 

Like anything in life, there are still tough days. Baby showers, newborn photo shoots, or even scrolling through social media can feel like emotional landmines at times. It’s hard seeing everyone’s joy, even when I know it’s mostly just a highlight reel. When I’m in a bad headspace, it’s easy to spiral. In the past, there were days when I’d just stay in bed, feeling completely defeated and letting the sadness take over.

Over time, I’ve realized how important it is to prioritize my mental health. On those really hard days, I’ve learned that sometimes the only way forward is to do something, even when I don’t want to. I’ve had to parent myself—drink some water, eat something nourishing, go for a walk, or just step outside to feel the sun on my face. It’s not easy to pull yourself out of your head and reconnect with your body, but those small actions can make such a big difference.

I’ve also become more intentional about creating boundaries for myself. When I’m feeling vulnerable, I switch off social media and avoid WhatsApp. Giving myself that mental space has been a game-changer.

Recently, I started taking a low-dose antidepressant, and it’s been remarkable. It’s just enough to help me regain control of my thoughts and emotions while still allowing me to feel everything. I’m no longer completely undone by seeing baby clothes or hearing someone’s pregnancy announcement. These little pills have given me the stability and strength I needed to move through life with more grace and resilience.

I know there’s a stigma around antidepressants, but for me, it’s been the right choice. When your hormones have been out of balance for as long as mine were, your headspace can feel like a black hole. I didn’t want to be numb—I just needed something to help me stay calm, and this has done that. I think women sometimes rely too much on grit and don’t explore all the options available to us. We weren’t meant to do life alone. Historically, we lived in villages with massive support networks, but now, so many of us are isolated. If talking to a psychologist or taking a little pill every day helps us find our footing, I’m all for it.

What has been a high, or break through moment for you? 

A breakthrough moment for me came earlier this year, during a time when I was completely burned out from all the fertility treatments. In one of those quiet moments of reflection, it hit me: I had spent so much time and energy trying to build a family that I’d completely neglected myself—my health, my well-being, my dreams, and my needs. I was simply trying to survive each day and it was killing my spirit. I finally understood that self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity.

As women, we often put ourselves last, convincing ourselves we need to earn the right to care for ourselves. But the truth is, taking care of ourselves should always be a priority. When I started to embrace that mindset myself, everything began to shift.

That realization became the inspiration for SoulScents. It grew out of my own journey of healing and self-discovery, and my hope now is to help other women understand the power of self-care. I want to encourage women to carve out time for themselves and remind them that nurturing their bodies and minds isn’t selfish or indulgent—it’s essential.

What's next in your journey both professional and personal?

Right now, I’m pouring my energy into expanding SoulScents. At its heart, SoulScents is all about the belief that women’s self-care should be a vital, non-negotiable part of their everyday lives. It’s a space for women to reconnect with their feminine power and embrace wellness, no matter what life throws their way. It’s about finding balance, prioritizing yourself, and realizing that you are absolutely worthy of the care and love you so easily give to others.

I’m in the exciting process of developing workshops for women that focus on teaching practical, accessible self-care methods while fostering a sense of community and connection. These workshops are close to my heart because I want to create a space where women can come together, share, and learn ways to nurture themselves in a supportive environment.

Another passion project I’m working on is a workshop for young girls entering puberty. My hope is to empower and educate them in ways many of us didn’t have growing up, giving them the knowledge and tools to feel confident, informed, and at ease with the changes in their bodies and emotions. It’s all about equipping the next generation with the support and understanding they deserve.

On a personal level, I’m leaning into a season of unburdened joy—doing things that make me happy just because they bring me happiness, without worrying about outcomes or expectations. I’m making space to nurture this new version of myself. While the dream of becoming a mom is still close to my heart, I’m also embracing the idea of living a life full of adventure, laughter, and fulfilment.

One adventure I’m especially excited about is a South African Camino along the Whale Trail next November, to celebrate my 40th birthday with my husband. The thought of taking on this incredible journey together fills me with so much anticipation and gratitude—I can’t wait!

Isabella's words are deeply powerful and we appreciate her honesty and vulnerability. It is through this kind of sharing that we will truly connect with each other and ourselves. Advocating for ourselves is as she says, a necessity, not a luxury. We hope through reading this piece you become more connected to your inner voice and become your own greatest advocate. We can't wait to see more from Isabella as she pursues this important work in women's health. Follow her journey here.